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Trash Bags

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The whirlwind surrounding  the week that we lost Patrick continues to pop up in my head in fragments.  Like the worst highlight reel; without warning. But when I think back on it, I was like a zombie-robot. Just going. Operating on adrenaline and disbelief. I remember my family scurrying around trying to stock me up with things, but the look of shock and sadness in their eyes I can never forget.   At one point, as I was preparing the kids for an activity, I looked over and my best friend was doubled over.  She had been trying so  hard to be strong for me, but I think it hit her. I didn't even shed a tear, I just asked "you alright?" and kept moving.  I was numb and in manager mode.   After everyone had left to go home and return to their normal lives, I was grateful stocked with all of the things.  About six months later, I pulled out the last of the trash bags and it hit me.  I was out of trash bags. I had no more cushion. I had to go back to getting things on my own. Pa
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Fall Family Update

The fall season has been hard and mean.   So, I’m thankful for your continued prayers and support.   It all started with our move from Brandon to Valrico in the beginning of August.   Although it’s only about a 12-minute drive between the houses, we were leaving the last place where our family was whole. I must be fully honest, moving as a solo mom of seven kids and making all those decisions myself, even picking up the U-Haul alone -almost broke me.   However, the move was necessary, and downsizing has been very helpful. Not waking up in the “house that I didn’t bring Patrick home to”, provided a little more breathing room in the suffocating grief. We are still close enough to all our extracurriculars, church, friends, family, therapists, etc. In addition to adjusting to the new place, August was full of trigger days.   Our 18 th wedding anniversary, Elijah’s birthday being two of the hardest.   We took a while to adjust to our new schedule was a wild ride initially.   I feel like
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"But What About Mary, Mommy?"

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One of the things we've done this year is joined a Homeschool Learning Cooperative. While it has been a bit of a stretch and commitment, there have been some amazing moments of seeing my kids learn alongside their peers and good friends.  I'll post about that separately.  After her first class, Avielle came to me and looked slightly off. I asked what was wrong, and as usual, she replied "nothing." But as I began to dig her and ask questions about class and the lessons, that's when I hit the mark.  She started to passionately explain, about how no one cared about Mary, the mother of Jesus.  "What about Mary, Mommy? She had to watch her son die on a cross. That's awful! I feel so bad for Mary." Avielle is our little theologian and would always talk to Patrick about his sermons. She loves God's word and has been a prayer warrior from a young age. Her heart is very tender, and for the rest of the day she couldn't focus on anything else but, "
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